Friday, April 1, 2011
Outstanding Officer Bryan
He wasn’t just a badass. He needed a new word to describe himself ever since he grew the mustache and bought some aviator glasses. He wanted to add the word “special” to everything Adam (our family has called him "special" for years). His workouts turned out to be “special hardcore.” The ladies he honked at were “special” hot, and thought he had a “special” badass stache. And could I disagree? Not when the results were “special” obvious that the bitches were flocking to him like geese to a cut cornfield. Then he saw it, and it changed everything. The cop car parked at the side of Sinclair called him the way a hard cock calls a whore on crack. He stooped to the side of it and had me snap ten shots. The only thing missing was my Colt ACP 45’ in his “special” tough hands or hand, gangsta style, but even so, the pictures of him, with his stache, his glasses, and the cop car in the background warranted a new word. We all agreed he should be known as “Outstanding Special Officer Adam Bryan.” And if you have a problem with his new name, file a complaint with the Ogden Police Department, this new cat, this “Outstanding (capitalized always) cat, answers to no one but his, special in so many ways, bad self.